A Scream for Help

Okay so I know this one is kind of intense for a first post, but I came across it today and wanted to share it with you. This little story hits home for me and my family, I wrote it this summer. It's the way that I think it might have felt or been like to go through depression.

A Scream for Help

I’m here again hiding away, hoping to be safe this time. Wishing it all to vanish so when I open my eyes, only a nightmare is left behind, but when I peer through my fingers the scars remain and the screaming continues. What have I done to deserve this?
I walk through the crowded hallways feeling as if I’m alone in the world. No one sees. No one cares. Why am I invisible?
Maybe if I wear fewer clothes they will think I’m pretty and love me. So, I try and they notice for a while. How can I keep your attention? Tell me before it fades. What more must I do? - Prove my love to you. Okay if that will make you stay. It lasts a little longer they love me. But why do they leave? Am I no longer pretty? I look in the mirror and that’s when I see I’m fat how can anyone love me. I know I’ll not eat only for a while just until I’m skinny. Why isn’t it working? How is it different this time? No one loves me; I am fat and ugly.
Home again and it only gets worse. The fighting and abuse. Can’t I have just one good day? One day that I can feel okay.
“Everybody party at my house!” Maybe I should go I deserve a good time, its not as if anyone cares if I am there or not. Yeah I’ll go let loose have a few and a puff. What could it hurt? Maybe even some love!
That was fun but what now. I’ve done all I can do. No one wants me and nothing has changed it only gets worse. They push and they shove say its all my fault. Well it must be I’m their stressful responsibility. I know I’ll run away no one wants me anyway yes that will fix it all.
So I run for a long way and stay away. But not long after I realize I’ve no where to go. I’ll just return what will it matter I’m invisible. Just as I thought they didn’t know I had left or that I was gone at all.
There is nothing else I can do to make you notice. I’m left alone in my pain. Drowning wishing it would go away. I know I cannot cry though it hurts so badly. Because that would show you, I’m weak. How can I release this pain? Only one thing I can think of. So I pick up the razor and pull it through. Hide my arms under clothes. But see it through.
A few months pass and it’s worth it no more. No one loves me; I’m Invisible, Better off dead.
If your story’s like this I’m here to say God loves you He wants you. You are not invisible. You have a purpose. He understands pain – he died on a cross while we where yet imperfect He died for us. There is no greater love than this that a man lay down his life for a friend. There is a God who died so that you would let Him love you and you to love Him. So that makes two, God and I love you. You don’t have to have it all together just bring Him your broken pieces and watch how He repaints the picture.