Distance

This Christmas hasn't felt very Christmas-y to me. The days passed quickly and at times it feels like it was so long ago. Before the day came I had my mind set to make sure my focus was on Christ. Admittedly this Christmas my heart was a little distant, and probably more focused on family. This has been a different time for me, a little dry, a bit unsaturated. However, at the same time this Christmas was beautiful. I was able to spend time with my sister who lives far away. I also visited with my cousin and her son who I miss dearly when I'm away. It's a strange feeling, but in my heart I am glad to know that feelings don't rule. The Bible says, be still and KNOW that I am God, not be still and feel that I am God - a little strange and somewhat comical. 
Tonight my devotional painted a picture of pride in the situation of grace. I am homeless and hungry standing out in the winter at the front door of an amazing man who is offering me a warm fire, food, a place to sleep, and a friendly home. Yet, I stand at the door and ponder if I should enter. I might not deserve it, although I really need it. "I am a begger too proud to beg, too full of myself to be filled by him, to suspicious that it will all melt away into a gold puddle on the the concrete that then disappears between the cracks." - Sarah Arthur - I accept not because I deserve it but because it would be a dishonor to him to refuse. I step inside, shake off the cold, and remove my shoes.
Pride sometimes makes it hard to receive grace. Tonight I am glad that Yahweh welcomes me even with my dirty bag of sin.

Lord let the unintentional life within us end to make way for Christ in us who is intentional in every way. <3 Hillary